I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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