Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
