there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
