shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
