and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
