Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
