I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
