Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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