I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
