be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
