this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
