plz talk dirty to me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sext me about skeletons
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
