i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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