1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
