I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
