The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize