ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize