8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
