The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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