I look better un-naked...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
