thus making me awesome and them whores
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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