her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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