I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
where am i from again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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