I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
