There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I didn't notice because vodka
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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