I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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