Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
