Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
