Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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