Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
its not stalking. its research.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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