OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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