Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".