drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.