your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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