you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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