they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm