i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
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Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
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This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep