Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
