Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour