It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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