it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
