i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
