I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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