she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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