I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Holy shit dude........stairs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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