help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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