Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
