why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
