I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
