I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
