So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you would pick up someone in the library
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
