forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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