I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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