If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
