I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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