By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
