I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
