Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
