omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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