i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
