Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
