So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
