great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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